Sunday, July 28, 2013

Paruresis cured then again felt it like a thunderstorm- taking it all away.

I am going to update my journey of overcoming my shy bladder or Paruresis. So after about 4 months of the Auto-Suggestions/Self Affirmations and talking and sharing it to my friends and here with you, I was able to pee along with the other people in the public toilets sometimes. I feel that I am more confident now, but I want its cure, because I want it 0% in me.
I want to pee/urinate freely, I want something like a button in me which I must be able to press when I am standing inside the toilet, no matter how many others are urinating along with me. When it is pressed it should come out without a single thought. It should come out of my bladder immediately without disturbing my mind.
I felt it today after a long time that I have not overcome it for the situations like today happened to me. I was coming riding the motor-cycle and felt that my bladder is calling for a release. I stopped the motor-cycle near to some buildings along the road, but at some far distances. It is a hilly area and population density is quite low, so homes are quite far away. I was on the NH-154, Near to Kunnu, Mandi, Himachal Pradesh, India. So I stood on the side of the road, opened the gateway for my penis to come out, still wearing the helmet. Suddenly I observed a man appeared on the road from behind the curve, I thought this time I will get the success but somehow today was not my day. I again watched the man who now was sitting on the side of the road at a distance of about 70m from me. I felt awkward to stand for more time, so after standing there for about 2 minutes, I zipped my pants, and rode off. I felt a little depressed, but again I stopped at the next curve where there were more homes nearby, and nobody stops you from urinating on the sides of the roads because there are no toilets on such roads where traffic is low and the population density is also low.  This time there was no man, but yeah there were a numbers of home and inside from them someone might have watched me. I didn't care, or pretended to not care and released myself  out.
Although I was able to release it on the next curve but still I felt bad for my first try. I think I should keep my self affirmation work and I will keep you updated, so that if you also suffer, you can get benefit from my success stories.